Today, Anxiety Won.
Do you ever have days where anxiety wins? One of those days where every worry, concern, and fear has crept to the front of your mind… Where that feeling of dread seems to be stuck in your chest, like a glob of congestion that is painful and uncomfortable. Time is unforgiving, it didn’t come with a pause button. You are forced to face the day, to take care of the
kids, to go to your job, to go to your classes, to keep going and going because that is how life is… It moves on without you even when you are not ready for it. So you put on a face and smile through the pain. You look OK on the outside, but the anaconda in your chest is squeezing you with the fear of failure, humiliation and struggle that has created the snake that is ‘anxiety’. Maybe the opposite has happened… The crushing feeling has made it impossible for you to leave your house, your room, maybe even your bed. How can you get up if you can’t even breathe?
Sometimes anxiety wins. Sometimes you pace aimlessly around the house, searching for something to do that has nothing do what you need to do, because it is hard to focus when you're in pain. Maybe you excessively clean your house, aimlessly watch TV or scroll through Facebook, only to find meaningless tasks to distract you from the looming pain and guilt that you can’t seem to shake. You might eat everything in the fridge, or concentrate on not eating at all, hoping that one or the other helps ease the pain that you feel inside of your stomach. Sleeping is a long sought-after luxury. You cannot sleep if the demons are whispering in your ear.
Sometimes Anxiety wins. You worry about the text you have not received, concerned that you may have said something wrong or that you are not worth the time to get a response. You know that you are being unreasonable, so you beat yourself up for feeling anxious, and then you feel anxious about feeling anxious. As time goes on, you think of the assignments, the job requirements, or the child rearing activities that you need to do, and you worry about doing them wrong, or not being able to do them at all. You say yes to almost anything anyone asks you to do, even when you know it is too much for you at this time. The fear of saying ‘no’ is too scary, even though you know that saying ‘yes’ will feel overwhelming and impossible.
Sometimes anxiety wins, and that is OK. Tomorrow anxiety will lose. Anxiety may have won the battle, but you will ultimately win the war. You are brave and you are worthy of people’s time and energy. You have the innate
capability to take control of your life, and the strength and the courage necessary to take chances and fall on your face sometimes. We are all human, and failure is inevitable. This is your life, and anxiety does not deserve to win another day.
Kylie Chaffin, MA LMHC
Note from the author:
Too much of anxiety can control you, resulting in excessive guilt, worry, and fear. Sometimes we need extra help to find relief from anxiety, and to learn how to manage our anxious thoughts and feelings. Therapy has been proven to help with anxiety and provide tools to manage symptoms and change thinking errors. You don’t need to go through this alone, as connection will help drive out the insecurities and fears that you may have. You deserve to feel better.